>For once in my life, I seem to be right on track. Having used up a good portion of my “40’s” and peaking around the corner at “50” one question rolls round and round my head. The neon marquee reads “Is that all there is?” Great song! Peggy Lee, I think.
Since birth, I have heard, “This is your one chance, make it good!”. True, it’s often an inner voice, but a voice all the same. A voice that sometimes screams louder than the one in my ear.
I read of women. True pioneers. Edna St. Vincent Millay, Gertrude Stein, and even Ellen Burstyn. Yes! Ellen Burstyn! What a life! A life filled with adventures created by a will to live and experience all. A life unfettered by conventions and restraint. Lived without compromise or apology.
And I am that woman. Deep down inside, squashed by years of other people’s beliefs, I am that woman. Gazing down that last long stretch of road, I see an opportunity, no, a mandate to break some of the bindings others would use to hold me. I understand the importance of filling my memory bank with experiences and adventures, that in my waning years will warm me when my bones are cold and my skin too thin to ward off drafts. I want to be the crone sitting in the corner of the rec room with Madonna’s smile playing across her lips. All the others, the ones who played it safe and lived it boring, will sneak glances in my direction and wonder “What did she do?” My derring-do will bring me wisdom to share with grandchildren and great-grandchildren who will pat my powdered arm even as they marvel at my saltiness.
The choices I make will benefit those unknowing of my plans. As we slog through every day in the same murk we slogged through yesterday, my spirt will lighten our load and I will know that there is sunshine at the end of my trench.