Warm Whispers


I have a thing for sleepwear.  I like cotton nightgowns, silk nightshirts and girly pajamas.  I own six bathrobes; one of them purported to be “The Softest Robe Ever”.  It’s soft, alright.  It’s also very fluffy, and putting it on makes me feel like a lavender-hued Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.  I hold on to it for those two or three days a year when the temperature dips so low that warmth trumps frump.
Two of my robes are girly.  The silky peach one channels Hedy Lamarr.  The sheer black one was an impulse purchase from a Victoria’s Secret catalogue.  It has bright pink feathers at the collar and cuffs.  I’ve never worn it.  But you never know…
The red robe is short, made of cotton and features a very large dragon embroidered down the back.  It’s one of my favorites.  Depending on my mood while wearing it, I either feel like a prize fighter or a naughty Geisha.  
The black one is heavy and hooded and used to belong to a man.  It’s a Bill Blass.  1998 was a very good year.
The one I wear is flannel and plaid, tartan plaid, in blues and greens.  I remember tearing open the Christmas wrap covering the box it came in, and looking around to see what my sisters’ robes looked like.  For several years, since we all had married, my mother bought four of the same thing in different colors.  One year it was sweaters.  Mine was beige.  Have you seen me?  Well you can’t if I wear beige.  
Blue and green are not my colors either.  I’m more a red and black or, better yet, a turquoise and silver kind of girl.  And plaid?  Honey, please…
And yet, that’s the robe I wear.  I take care to make sure it hangs on the outside of the hook so that in the morning, as I stumble out of my bedroom and into the bathroom, I can grab it without thinking.  
This morning I noticed a hole…a slice really…in the back.  The fabric around the slice was thin, very thin; thin enough to make me wonder if the slice wasn’t really a tear; a surrender to time.   The discovery inspired me to inspect further.  As it turns out, there are lots of holes, some of them bigger than others. 
But, you would expect that in a 30 year old robe.
This morning, as I drew the robe around me, I felt her. 
 
I imagined her hands on the robe, as she chose it, as she wrapped it, and the image comforted me.  
“It’s going to be alright.”, Mom whispered.  “You’ll be fine.  He’s here with me, you know.  Your boy is here with me.”

© Copyright 2007-2012 Stacye Carroll All Rights Reserved

An Empathetic Voter

There was a point in time when I was sure my Mom had a thing for Hubert Humphrey.  It wasn’t anything she said or did.  It was something in the way my father responded when she spoke of him.  As it turns out, Dad was an unapologetic Nixon republican, and what I was hearing was my first political debate.

I registered to vote in my high school’s cafeteria along with the rest of the senior class, and I’ve voted in every single presidential election since.  There was a time, prior to the 2000 elections, when I cast a vote in favor of a candidate.  Since then, however, I seem to find myself choosing what I believe to be the lesser of two evils and, while I don’t purport to remember loads about my high school civics class, I’m nearly certain they didn’t teach that.

I voted for Obama in 2008, but he wasn’t my first choice.  You see, I’d been a long-time fan of John McCain whom I’d always considered a straight shooter; a person who didn’t play party politics.

But that was before Karl Rove sunk his horns into him. 

I WANTED to like Hillary, but I couldn’t get there.  I’ve been the wife of a cheating man.  I did the only thing I could imagine doing, I left.  Throw at me all the extenuating circumstances you’ve got.  I left.  She didn’t.  End of story.  By the time I cast my vote, I was on line to board the “Hope and Change” bandwagon.  Since then, I’ve never been more disappointed in a politician in my life.

Never.

I started casting about for a replacement two years ago.  Excitement at the prospect of a Christie candidacy lasted all of two days…until he held a press conference urging all of us groupies to stand down.  From there, the list dwindled considerably.  Newt was a no go. I’m from Georgia, remember? 

I do. 

Santorum was scary…way scary…Zombie Apocalypse scary.

Enter Mitt Romney.  I read his bio.  I read news clips.  I read legislation.  I comforted myself with the knowledge that the healthcare plan he’d sponsored in Massachusetts served as a template for the one now dubbed “Obamacare”.

But that was before Karl Rove sunk his horns into him.

Mitt Romney’s choice of Paul Ryan as running mate sealed the deal.  I was officially out of options. 
Once again, I voted for Barack Obama.

I watched returns on election night from the viewpoint of a pacifist.  If Obama won, great!  If Romney won, oh well.  Certain pundits predicted he’d morph back into his old, pre-Rove self.  One could hope….

Let’s face it.  There is no such thing as unbiased news coverage in the United States.  As in all things Capitalism, it’s all about the money, honey.  I went with CNN.  At least they pretend…and they feature my boyfriend, James Carville.  I love James Carville.

Seeing the numbers did nothing to calm me.  Hours passed, and still I worried that the party responsible for Sarah Palin, Richard Murdock and Todd Akin would win the majority.  When Wolf Blitzer (and what is his real name, really?) announced Obama the winner just a little after 11:00 pm, I was as surprised as anybody.

Well, maybe not anybody.

I guess I wasn’t as surprised as the woman who, next day, hoped everyone who voted Democratic would enjoy their food stamps, free cell phone, and government issued six-pack of beer.  It’s probably safe to say I cannot relate to the feelings that motivated another person to post an article detailing Obama’s involvement with one Valarie Jarrett whose only crime, as far as I can tell, is having been born in…wait for it…IRAN!!!  You’d think, by this time, everyone would know about Snopes.  And, let’s face it, Karl Rove’s response to Fox anchor Megyn Kelly when she asked him “Is this just math that you do as a Republican to make yourself feel better or is this real?” was just sad.  His distressed confusion was so palpable you had to feel for the guy.

Georgia went red in 1996 in response to what we’ll call President Clinton’s indiscretions.  Accordingly, nearly everyone I know supported Mitt Romney…loudly…in a manner suggesting that those who did otherwise were not just wrong; they were downright unpatriotic and obviously did not love Jesus.  On Wednesday morning, it was this knowledge and my determination to honor that age-old southern tradition of grace in victory that set my posture as I headed out into the post-election world with my head somewhat bowed, my eyes definitely averted, and my intention set on avoiding any and all political discourse. 
  
You know what they say about intentions?  My hell came in the form of a very small woman with an enormous chip on her shoulder.  The conversation started innocently enough.  It wasn’t until I thought we were done that she took a step toward me and said, “Well, my family had to peel themselves off the floor last night!”

Here it comes, I thought.  

“I can imagine, I said.”, hoping my sympathy sounded more like empathy.

The tirade that followed was more than unexpected, it was unpredictable.  Nothing could have prepared me for the explosion of desperate anger that filled the ever-shrinking space between us.  Hands flew.  Eyes narrowed.  Her voice cracked and all I could think was “Don’t cry…please don’t cry.”

“Oh my daughter can get an abortion…”, she growled.  “but not a job!  Our children won’t be able to get jobs!”

My mind became a pinball machine, pinging about for a rational response to her irrational outburst, until she said the one thing that resonated with me.

“I’m so scared!”

It came back to me in a rush…the feeling of desperation…and more…frustrated desperation…and anger…outraged anger.  And the feelings brought me words.

“I understand.”

Though breathing hard, she quieted.

“I get it, I really do.  Had the tables been turned, I’d feel exactly the same way, I’m sure.  In fact, I HAVE felt that way.  When George Bush was reelected, I cried.  I turned off my television.  I turned off my radio.  I couldn’t stand to hear his name spoken.  I just knew terrible, awful things were going to happen to our country.   And, you know what?  They did.  And here we are.”

With crazy still dancing in her eyes, she turned on one heel and walked out of the room.

© Copyright 2007-2012 Stacye Carroll All Rights Reserved