Mitchell Steiner wore his jet black hair combed straight back off his swarthy-skinned face.   His coal-colored eyes either danced or snapped, depending on his mood.  His nose was aquiline.  His mouth never stopped moving.  Mitch was a talker, as in smooth talker, as in car salesman, or motivational speaker, though he became neither.  Mitch claimed his destiny early on.  He was headed for a career in medicine.  At the age of fifteen, a stint in the Explorer Scouts was, for him, a logical move in that direction.  For me, it was a way to be closer to Mitch.  I had no idea my destiny, too, was being set.

My father didn’t suggest I go into nursing, he insisted.  He had a litany of reasons to support his position; a litany he cited, ad infinitum, whenever the topic was broached.  I, on the other hand, had never even considered it.  As soon as I could stand, I did so in front of a pint-sized chalk board that turned round and round in its aluminum stand; a feature I found most irritating, as a glimpse at the magnetized side of the board, with its cacophony of many-colored plastic letters, only served to remind me that it wasn’t a real chalk board in a real classroom, and I wasn’t a real teacher.

Sometime during my mid-twenties, possibly between baby number one and baby number two, it became evident to my father that my career in nursing would never come to full fruition.

“I can’t believe you’re just going to throw it all away!  You’ve wasted so much time!”

“I don’t see it that way.”, I answered him.  “I’ve gained knowledge I’ll always have, and use.  It wasn’t a waste.  I just never wanted to be a nurse.”

“What do you mean you didn’t want to be a nurse?  What about all that time you spent in Explorer Scouts?” 

I traded my scrubs for a “burp rag”, which is Southern for the cloth diaper worn over one shoulder from the time a baby is born, until she takes her meals with the rest of the family, preferably in a high chair that has been sat upon a large piece of plastic meant to catch the food that missed her intended mark, her brother’s faces.

Mothering was a fine career choice, and I was fortunate to be able to do just that while my kids were very young.  When I did return to the workforce outside my plastic-lined domicile, I managed my hours in such a way as to avoid using childcare.  I worked during the day.  My husband worked at night.  One of the two of us always cared for our children.  I did it alone, but my husband, apparently, needed help.  His girlfriend often visited on her lunch hour bearing pizza from the pizzeria she managed.  I found her generosity maternal and oddly comforting.  There’s still a very small, warm place in my heart for her. 

Ricky and I signed divorce papers on New Year’s Eve.

Twenty years later, Ricky is deceased, three of my four children have homes of their own, and I work in a business my father helped to get off the ground .  I started part-time during a soon aborted attempt at beefing up my nursing degree.  I should have known better.  It wasn’t my idea in the first place, remember?

I used to say, when asked about my job, that I was paid way too much money to do a job a chimpanzee could do.  I don’t say that anymore.  The job hasn’t changed.  My duties are still well within the primate learning curve.  What’s changed is my compensation.  As the first rocks began to fall off our soon to crumble national economy, my employers explained their decision to switch me from a salaried to an hourly employee as a form of simplification.  Benefits, too, proved complicated.  I haven’t had a paid vacation, holiday, or sick day in several years.   My 401K was frozen. 

But I get a paycheck and, even though ten percent less, my earnings afford my son luxuries such as organized sports, music lessons, an IPOD, an Android, and a PS3.   I have a place to go every day and a job to do, which is more than many people have today. 

 

I’m not doing what I thought I would do, but maybe that’s because I didn’t set my sights high enough.  One look at my son and I know I have more than enough, and there’s still time for chalkboards in my future.