“Right now, I’m not paying an awful lot of attention to what anyone thinks of me, myself included. I find myself in a state of flux, kind of like I’m trying on new dresses to see which one fits me best. Some I take off right away, and some I wear a few days before trying on something new. I’m having fun, I’m being true to me, and I’m actually looking forward to how I turn out… “
I read this last night as I sifted through over fourteen-hundred posts I have contributed to a social networking site directed at baby-boomers. I can’t remember exactly when I wrote it. I should have included dates when I archived.
The site is closing, and upon a suggestion from one of the administrators, and encouragement from others to do so, I spent several hours this past weekend reading, and saving, and reading, and discarding, and reading, and saving some more.
The quote given is just one among many, that when strung together, actually form a journal I never intended to keep. And, in reading, I learned a lot about me…
The words I wrote were true, at the moment. Life robbed them of their veracity, even if the change is only one of nuance.
For example, it remains true that I care little what others think of me, but the pendulum controlling my “state of flux” seems permanently affixed to one side. I’ve discarded all but the most comfortable of dresses, and my ideas of “fun”, and “me”, have changed so much as to be unrecognizable. All of this became apparent on Day One.
By Day Two, I had slogged through nearly one-half of my posts, and a picture began to emerge. I began to recognize a person I really liked, but had somehow lost inside what is now a well-worn, comfortably baggy dress. Reading, at this point, became uncomfortable, as I not only realized what I had sacrificed, but why. It’s never easy to accept folly in our choices. It’s even harder when you think you have overcome, only to realize that you mistook stagnation for success.
I finished yesterday. As the monitor went dark, I walked away smiling. I intend to use much of the content here, in my blog. But, the most important parts I’ll keep for me.
This morning, I changed my dress…
Are We There Yet? 
