Sins of the Father…

My son, Shane, loves Social Studies class. I know this because his Social Studies lessons are the only ones he regurgitates without provocation. He regularly regales me with facts and figures such as the gross national product of Haiti, and the length and breadth of waterways throughout Italy. This is why I know that his seventh grade Social Studies class is studying the Middle East, and that the country we now know as Iraq used to be called Mesopotamia. I don’t know why they changed the name. “Mesopotamia” is a lovely word, unlike the harshly clipped “Iraq”, or as some people regrettably refer to it, “Eyerack”. But, I digress…

Last Tuesday, as we ticked off subjects on his study checklist, Shane mentioned they were having a guest speaker in Social Studies on Friday. That’s what they call it now. When I was in school, and someone from the “outside” came in to talk, we called it an “assembly”. I always looked forward to assemblies. The verbiage is different, but the excitement inherent in an hour of school being filled by someone other than a teacher remains the same. The conversation ended, he repacked his backpack, and I never gave it another thought.

Until Thursday…Thursday morning I received an email with the subject line “Your Immediate Attention is Needed” from a board member of our athletic association. Supposing the message had to do with my son’s football league, I clicked without hesitation. The first words I read stringently assured me that her son would not be attending school the next day. I was understandably intrigued.

What followed was an email sent by a pastor in her church, complete with official letterhead, which began with the words; “I need to ask you to pray earnestly to stop the spread of discrimination against Christians and violation of “Separation of Church and State”. The pastor went on to explain that the middle school had invited an Islamic speaker to address the seventh grade class as part of a comparative religion study, but had failed to invite a Christian speaker. He expressed his views of this action, calling it “wrong on just so many levels”, and invoked the First Amendment a second time. He urged prayer, being careful not to suppose what action God would have his reader take, making instead a personal plea. He went on to suggest that parents “strongly consider withholding your student from this presentation”, and closed with an invocation to “charge the gates of hell like a mighty army”. The violence inherent in the last sentence shook me. Hoping I had mistaken the context, I read it twice. Realizing I hadn’t, saddened me.

I sat, unseeing, for several minutes after reading the email, while thoughts pinged, wildly, about my brain. I marveled that this email had been forwarded to me at all. Anyone who really knows me would not have included my address in the CC line. I wondered if the pastor had purposely misrepresented the facts, or was truly ignorant of the actual context of the class. Admittedly, I wouldn’t be privy to the details were it not for my son’s love of the subject. And, who is he to harangue anyone regarding the First Amendment, anyway? Why just last week, all students were encouraged to attend a Fellowship of Christian Athletes event held in the school gymnasium!

Sadness quickly became outrage that somehow evoked a memory. Two dark-haired girls rode side-by-side in an aged go-cart that often spoiled the peace of a sunny Sunday afternoon. They rode with abandon and joy-etched faces. I might not have given them a second glance had it not been for their headgear. Instead of a helmet, each girl wore the equivalent of a white, mesh muffin cup on the crown of her head. The clash of cultures was striking; hard core Islamic fundamentalism meets good old American know-how.

And another, more recent Sunday, when the air was cooler, allowing notes played on a distant sitar to float on its buoyancy. Occasionally a mournful male voice accompanied the strings, giving me pause as I weeded the garden. Laughter filled the breaks between songs, urging me to join the party. And, I almost did. I considered walking the few blocks between my house and theirs, if for no other reason than to observe their joy. I had no doubt I would be welcomed by my neighbors. But, I didn’t. The light was fading, and there were so many weeds left to pick…

My son did attend school on Friday, but not before he and I had a talk about what to expect. And I resent that what might have been a discussion about a unique opportunity for understanding, was, instead, a crash course in how to deal with ignorance and hate-mongering.

The day passed, mostly without incident. The local news featured a piece on the uproar, interviewing a protesting parent whose daughter bore the brunt of her father’s “fifteen minutes of fame”. Her plight became the focus of Shane’s re-telling; as he expressed the pity he felt when other children taunted her, and his relief that I hadn’t felt the need to express my opinions in a similar manner. I think he put it best, when during our morning discussion he expressed his dismay at the controversy.

“They’ve done this for seven years, Mom, and we’re not studying religions, we’re studying the Middle East! Islam is the main religion on the Middle East, not Christianity. It wouldn’t make sense to have a Christian speaker!” He has a habit of propping his forehead in the palm of his hand when feeling exasperated and he did so now. A curtain of hair that usually hides one eye now fell over still pudgy fingers.

He raised a solemn face and said quietly, “People just need to quit being scared. We’re just trying to learn. Maybe if they learned they wouldn’t be so scared anymore.”

Out of the mouths of babes…

An Intangible Difference

“No other national election has evoked this kind of emotion.”
As a form of explanation, in the heat of the moment, during a discussion of politics, these words rose to the surface, and sat on my tongue, while I considered their veracity. My mind ticked through previous elections. Images grossly akin to Halloween masks, strolled across my mind’s eye; Reagan, Carter, Ford, Clinton, Bush I and II, and I realized I had felt passion for my candidate during each of these contests, as well. The words remain unsaid. And, still, I consider them…and have come believe the words to be true in an intangibly unsettling way.

In years past, my choice of candidate was usually accompanied by a sure feeling of being “right”. As I considered the men running for President, the decision was a simple one, based on my beliefs and life experience.

“Do you want what’s hiding behind curtain “A” or curtain “B”?” Monty Hall’s face leered under a battered fedora as he spun a shiny black cane.

“Curtain “A”!” My voice rang true with the force of my convictions.

“Is that your final answer?” The question came in the form of endless, expensively produced commercials touting the merits of the one not chosen.

“Yes! That is my final answer!” And it was.

This time around, when asked the question, I find my voice wavering as my eyes search a distant point in the room, and my chest fills with a need for hope. And, therein, lies the difference.

The need for hope; not a full-blown, fist-clenching, flag-waving hope, but a need for hope. A look out the yawning door of an airplane, just before the jump, with the sincere desire that the parachute will function when called upon. That first tentative, pitch-black step away from the side of the bed towards the spot on the carpet where the dog might be sleeping. The catch of breath, when the numbers are called, as the ticket shakes inside a needy hand. The look on the face of one beaten down, afraid to trust an outstretched hand.

As my octogenarian friend frequently laments, “I’ve never seen things this bad.”, I realize it’s no wonder so many of us are uncertain. Nothing in our life experience has prepared us for our current condition, and our beliefs have been challenged by almost a decade of half-truths and outright lies told by those in whom we were forced to rely. We are the ones beaten down, afraid to trust.

On Tuesday, I will stand in line for hours, with hundreds of others in search of hope, and the mere presence of the crowd, as I scan it, will invoke these words:

“In God We Trust.”

Rising to the Challenge

I subscribe to a blog on which the writer has posted her picture every morning for 30days, fresh from the rack, sans make-up, and without the benefit of a hairbrush. Yesterday, on day 29, she challenged all of her readers/voyeurs to contribute their photos to the final display. Several did, I among them.

In a summary of her experience, she mentioned the emotions evoked by receiving our pictures, and recognized the fact that some might not understand the importance.

But, I do.

Women, in particular, are taught, from a very early age, that their early morning faces are somehow lacking, and unattractive. The entire cosmetics industry is, in fact, dependent upon a mixture of this artificially ingrained, low self-esteem and natural human competitiveness.

I have written before of my earliest experimentations with face paint, and the clandestine, early morning visits to the girl’s restroom, where I vied alongside many other desperate pre-teens, for a place in front of the mirror. Since that time, I have worn make-up of various brands, in various colors, and in varying amounts.

For years, I went without foundation, painting only my eyes and lips. Later, I slathered on the stuff, opting for an oil-free formula that claimed to control break-outs, while covering zits. Sadly, at the time, the contradiction evaded me. Now, I find myself on the opposite end of the spectrum, as I choose a foundation with multiple moisturizers to control fine lines, while promising to cover wrinkles; and I am completely aware of the dichotomy. I pay more for it now than I did then, but that’s ok, “because I’m worth it”.

My lids have been blue, green, brown, and pink, and always lined. Just as I mastered the art of creating a single perfect line with a tiny paint-filled brush, pencil liners became all the rage. As I drew a single, artfully-smudged line behind my daughter’s lashes on prom night, her friend’s mother exclaimed, “Oh, you do that so well!”. And yet, every morning I still struggle to recreate the effect on my own, somewhat puffy, eyelids.

I am blessed with very long, very thick eyelashes. I say blessed, but, in truth, this too is a curse, because layers of sticky, black mascara tend to clump in thick eyelashes, resulting in the dreaded “spider eyes”. So, again, I pay more, but…..you know the drill.

There was a time, in my early 20’s, during which the only way you could see the “real” me involved a really good flashlight and a possible conviction for breaking and entering. By the time I reached my 30’s, I became more concerned about the quality of my skin, and, thus began to give my aging pores a break by going bare-faced on weekends, unless I had an “event”. I maintained this regime for many years…until Alice challenged me.

My first visit to her morning face evoked many of the same emotions I remember having as my parents and I walked the sideshow at a local fair. I remember thinking, “Oh, that’s interesting.”, and, “I wonder why she wants to do that?”

Before long, I was visiting everyday, and as I read the musings she posted alongside her picture, I began to feel the full weight of her exercise. In short, I became a fan. I found myself pulling for her. Mild interest had turned into rousing feelings of support, much like those I feel when watching my beloved Gators take the field. And, occasionally, I expressed those feelings in the form of a comment, in hopes that she would realize she was having an effect. After a week of starting every morning with her unfettered face, I found I no longer felt the need to paint. The image reflected back to me in my bathroom mirror was, suddenly, good enough. And, for one solid week, I truly “faced” the world.

I sat, in full make-up, as I read her challenge and responded, without hesitation. It was the least I could do….

Thinking back on it, the preparations I made are laughable. I washed, and carefully styled my hair, the night before. I rummaged through my lingerie drawer in search of something frilly, pretty, and flattering, and lay my selections at the bedside for easy access the next morning. I set my clock, while making a mental note that there could be no hitting the snooze button, come morning. I had a responsibility.

The comical noises emitted by my Fisher-Price alarm clock awoke me, as planned. And, as I rose, the chill of early autumn hit me, full force, and the frilly, pretty, flattering lingerie at my feet remained, at my feet. I stumbled, again, towards the bathroom mirror, ran one hand through hair that bore no resemblance to that I had lain upon my pillow, and grabbed the fattest, plushest, warmest robe I own. Cinching it close around me, I headed for the computer, and my camera.

Weeks ago, in hopes of receiving a photograph of a very different sort, a friend had reminded me that my camera had a timer. As I set it, and waited for the flash, I offered up silent gratitude for the tip, and my decision not to use it for his suggested purpose.

The result is an image of me that, before today, few have seen. And, it was remarkably easy, and marvelously freeing, and amazingly uneventful. It is me; just me.

And, it was the least I could do…