In Gratitude…


You stormed into the room with an affable smile in your pocket, to be exchanged for an irascible grin, or a menacing scowl at the turn of a word.

You educated.

You elucidated.

You enlightened.

You hungrily took the bait, and, we watched for the occasional, sun-lit, glimmer as you played the line as far as it would go until; releasing, you hung back to give others a chance at the fight.

And, you encouraged.

You championed your causes, often alone, until; persuaded, others joined you, hoping to be warmed by your light.

You enveloped.

Your words evoked the tip of a felt fedora, or the raise of your eyebrow, or the click of your tongue; and grown women giggled, even as less talented men shrunk in your wake. And what a wake it is…

You are a force; a force of incredible power, giving to others without motive, and at great cost. You might have been a Priest…as,

You elevated.

© Copyright 2007-2008 Stacye Carroll

Breaking the Fall

The autumn air carried a chill, forcing us to pull sweaters over our t-shirts, and giving me a new appreciation for the warmth of his hand surrounding mine.

Our quiet voices mixed, musically, with the earthy sounds around us as we talked easily of little things.

To the left of the trail, irregularly shaped stones pointed the way to a swelling of the ground, inviting us to climb.

As my rubber-soled feet struggled to gain a foothold amongst jutting rocks and rolling stones, I thrust both hands in front of me in preparation for the fall before I feel his, larger hands around my waist, pulling me away from the rocks, and into his chest.

Climbing the rest of the way, without incident, we reached the top of the rising and stopped; to breathe, and to survey the landscape we had just traversed from a new perspective.

Standing on the apex, there is a renewed sense of hope in the clearness of the air, and gratitude that I didn’t make the climb, alone.

© Copyright 2007-2008 Stacye Carroll

Attitude of Gratitude: A Juxtaposition of Contradiction


It’s not a sight you expect to see, especially when the day has aged past noon.

I can’t say what drew my attention, as I am known for keeping my eyes down, straight-ahead, and focused.

Yesterday, I looked up.

To my right, the sun smiled sweetly, warming autumn tinged breezes on her climb.

And on my left, the milky, waning moon had hung around to watch the show.

It was a beautiful juxtaposition of contradiction;

reminding me to remember,

to refuse limitations imposed by fear,

and to give thanks.

© Copyright 2007-2008 Stacye Carroll

Attitude of Gratitude: Our Home


In two weeks time, I had quit my job, applied to college (for the third go-round), received my acceptance letter, and moved my family back to my hometown. Whew!

The five of us shared a two-bedroom duplex. The morning I parted the drapes to see a worn, herculon-covered couch adorning the muscle-car crowded front yard of the unit across the street was the first hint that, in my haste, I had, perhaps, not chosen the best of neighborhoods in which to raise children.

Practicality reasoned that moving was impossible giving our subsistence on financial aid and a part-time salary. And still, on my way home from school, or work, or both, I often detoured through the winding lanes of suburban subdivisions.

One house, in particular called to me. She sat in a cul-de-sac at the end of several gracefully curved streets behind towering pines, as though shy. Someone had, regrettably, slathered her in brick-red paint, which explained her reticence to be on display, and yet she stood. In the early morning, a thin fog caressed the pines, allowing her some dignity. As afternoon burned, worn gray shingles bore the brunt of the heat and the pines cast long shadows on her weathered face. In the black of night, she shone, as banks of unfettered windows bore witness to the lives she sheltered while lighting a set of weathered thirty-year-old handprints cast in the concrete walkway before her.

We moved in 10 years ago. Renovation has been slow, but she has been patient.

A hallway bath whose wallpaper had begun to unfurl in complaint, was stripped, sanded, and painted in a textured, earthy brown. Thirty year-old mediterranean tile was salvaged to complete the room. It is warm, inviting, cozy, and welcoming.

My youngest son spent a week with his sister in a neighboring town. While he was gone, his room was transformed to reflect his maturity. School colors adorn his walls, and his love of sports and music is reflected throughout.

The browns of the bathroom flow into the adjoining hallway and the border above my head reminds me, “All Things Grow With Love”.

In three days time, my oldest son had transformed the rooms facing the street by swabbing crimson on the walls. I marveled at his carpentry skills as he measured and sawed through the sweat dripping from his Arian forehead, to create a chair rail for my dining room.

Covering the unfortunate brick-red façade took a little more time, but, at last, she is complete. Bathed in a rich khaki that compliments her brick, she sits gracefully on the lot, and Chinese red double-doors provide a ready welcome.

The yards, too, have been transformed. Tropical plants shade the patio while providing color, and outside the sitting area, an English-style garden blooms wild, and free. Farther up the landscape, our vegetable garden yields tomatoes, squash, eggplant, cucumbers, various herbs, and an assortment of peppers during the summer, and fresh leafy greens in the winter.

I loved her, on sight, and knew I could restore her to her original beauty and grace. She has returned the favor by cradling my family and providing a warm and welcoming haven for all who come here. This house has become our home, and I am grateful…

© Copyright 2007-2008 Stacye Carroll

Just Another Reason To Party

I’m not a person who feels tied into age. Age, to me, is a number, and really nothing more. When asked my age, I often have to stop and think. I am fortunate, (I guess), to have friends and family who, apparently keep up with these things…
Every year, as my birthday approaches I encourage everyone to see things as I do. “It’s just another day!”, “I really don’t need presents.”, “I don’t eat birthday cake.” Last year, on September 2nd, I announced I was done having birthdays. I mean, what’s so special about them? Everybody has one! They are like belly-buttons…
This year, as the day approached, my daughter called, wondering how I was celebrating Labor Day. I really hadn’t thought about it. She wondered if she, her friend, and her friend’s new, and completely darling daughter could visit. A son called. He was up for a cook-out. Another son called, also looking for free food…So, the plan was set. Labor Day cookout at my house!
A couple of days ago, I heard, again, from my daughter, who, in her best little girl voice, wondered, hypothetically mind you, if I WAS going to eat birthday cake, not that I would, what kind of cake I would like. I thought for several seconds before telling her, and with that I made a decision. I was having a birthday party. Did I say party? Make that a birthday blowout!
And here’s the reason we have birthdays…
I slept in this morning, just because I could. I checked on Dad who is stubbornly riding the storm out in Destin. And the calls started, interspersed with texts from people, some from whom I rarely hear, who appreciate my being here. As I took the calls, I opened my mailbox to an assortment of good wishes. Sweet!
Around 1:00, my grill master arrived with a variety of meats and mysterious seasonings, and set about preparing to cook out. As the guests arrived, they were greeted by loud music, and louder laughter. Red wine made everyone a better dancer as children ran between our legs, glorifying in the luxury of a game of chase inside the house!
The food was great, the company wonderful, and everyone left feeling just a little better for having shared my day.
And, as for me? I was queen for a day! Cared for, pampered, and fawned over by family and friends. I ate food I rarely allow myself, I drank good wine, I danced to my favorite music, I watched my children enter the house as sophisticated adults and revert back into playmates in the way only siblings can, and I laughed.
As the party ended, and guests began to filter out, my daughter brought the baby to me. She is gorgeous, with Asian features, and soft, marshmallowy limbs. She played with my jewelry, babbled sweetly, and threw her toys to the floor in front of us in sweet anticipation of a ride down to pick them up.
Pudgy hands flayed desperately in an attempt to rub her sleepy eyes as she nestled into my side, and we napped…
Friends, it just doesn’t get any better than this…

© Copyright 2007-2008 Stacye Carroll

Giving Thanks

Have I ever told you that I thank God for you, everyday?

Have I ever told you that all through my day

as snippets of conversation dance across my brain,

and the sound of your laughter echoes from a warm place,

I embrace the feeling and raise it up in thanks.

And, sometimes, sometimes if I’m really present

and I hold that feeling up really high,

I am sure I feel a “You’re welcome”…

© Copyright 2007-2008 Stacye Carroll

Serenity

It occurs to me, today, that serenity is truly a “one day at a time” kind of occurence. I am as unsure of what will bring her as I am of what will take her away. She sneaks up on me unannounced. As the day unfolds a quiet moment whispers gently, “This is it, this is serenity.” My breathing quiets as I intentionally feel the peace the moment holds. I smile as I recognize the gift I have received and I silently give thanks.
There is no announcement on her leaving. In the midst of a new day, my brain clangs with cacophonous doubt and only after I stop to observe the noise do I realize she has gone. I know there is nothing I can consciously do to bring her back. My only responsibility is to know when I hold her and appreciate that time.